The Other Side Of Rape: WHY WOMEN RAPE MEN!
Though these are
not common in Nigeria, we have heard cases or read reports of male raping other
male (rape of boys or male-inmates raping other male-inmates) but in oddity,
there are constant cases of ‘women raping
men’ in the Western Countries – but can such really happen in Nigeria?
We never gave
that poser a thought to write about until a male-victim of rape (Damola)
approached us (Stamp Out GBV @stampoutgbv) for counsel, after having suffered
such an ordeal in the hands of his boss and her friend. This is his story:
Damola Kenny, a 22-year-old and 300-Level part-time
student of a University in Ogun State, worked as a driver with a bank based in
Abeokuta.
He was attached to an executive, who was a 50-year-old
married woman that had four grownup children. He was a professional to the core
and his relationship with his boss was beyond the workplace as he treated her
as his mom and even called her “mom” though she politely asked him to stop
“making her look old” but to refer to her as “Ma’am or Mrs Kuti – and not
‘mom’”!
And to show her appreciation for his service and
charisma, she augmented his monthly pay package! Life was bubbling and
promising for Damola until the day she asked him to drive her to a friend’s
‘evening party’!
Really, Mrs Kuti was the ‘religious type’ and never
showed any hint of interest on him aside the business relationship that
flourished between them.
Damola skipped classes and drove her down to the party
in ‘Ijebu Ode’.
She got down
from the car and asked him to wait in the car since she wouldn’t stay long in
the party! Shortly, she appeared, accompanied by her friend, and asked Dele to
re-park the car in the sheltered garage!
He did while they walked to him and gave him a glass
of wine, which he kindly gulped. They collected the glass from him and returned
to the party!
In no time, he started feeling dizzy – his vision
became blurry! He faintly wondered why he was suddenly feeling sleepy but
before he faded away on the steering wheel, he could make out the faces of his
boss and her friend, softly pulling him out of the driver’s seat and laying him
on the back seat!
That was all he remembered until he regained
consciousness four hours later; somehow, he was able to recall seeing his boss
and her friend pulling down his trouser and ‘working him up’. He also recalled
faintly seeing them, taking turn to straddle him but he was just weak to
understand the scenario then.
As he pulled out the car to drive his boss home, he
saw two used condoms just by the side of where he had parked the car. He didn't
need anyone to tell that his boss and her friend had given him a drug-laced
drink and used him!
Used? No! Raped him – Yes!
As he drove her, there was an uneasy silence in the
car – she was possibly regretting her action while Dele was undecided on how to
confront her!
Though it is not
commonly reported, or even discussed, females commit a significant number of
rapes. It has been estimated that around 1,000 rapes are committed each year in
Nigeria by women. Many experts believe that this number is undervalued due to
the fact that female rapes are very rarely reported.
Victims of
female rape are usually older, weaker or handicapped. Frequently, female
rapists use objects to sodomize, rape, and overpower their victims.
Children are the
most frequent victims of female rape – this usually takes form in statutory
rape or sexual intercourse between an adult woman and a consenting minor. Studies have shown that women involved in
these relations are frequently seeking a substitute lover because they are
alone, have a low self-worth, or are in a bad or violent relationship. Female
rape of children can also take the form of incest or child molestation – in
both of these cases, victims are not likely to come forward because the
perpetrator is female.
Why Women Rape
Studies have
shown that female rapists are driven by the same forces as their male
counterparts: power, hostility, violence, alcohol or drug abuse, mental
illness, and opportunity. Many female rapists were themselves victims of rape,
incest or molestation at some point in life.
Female rapes of
men go largely unreported by male victims, and few men seek counselling or
support. Men who do talk about their experience show similar effects as female
victims of rape: loss of self-esteem, self-blame, fear of intimacy, and
depression. Significantly, men are discouraged from reporting female rapists to
the Police or bringing them to trial to a Judge for fear that they will not
believe their story.
How Do Women
Rape Men
From Damola’s
case, we can learn that female-to-male rape happens in a situation where the
male is rendered weak, unconscious or unable to resist the sexual
victimization. The easiest way for this to happen is for the woman to get the
guy dead drunk, intoxicated with some mind-altering substance or knocked-out by
a tranquilizer or sleeping pill.
Another common
way is for the woman to use emotional blackmail in coercing the man to have sex
with her – emotional blackmail can take the form of suicidal threats, threats
to divulge the guy’s secrets or threats to ruin his reputation, career or
existing relationships.
A third way is
to physically threaten the guy at gun or knife point. And last, especially for
those trained in martial arts, women could simply use brute strength to subdue
the guy and tie him up.
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