The Other Side Of Rape: WHY WOMEN RAPE MEN!

Though these are not common in Nigeria, we have heard cases or read reports of male raping other male (rape of boys or male-inmates raping other male-inmates) but in oddity, there are constant cases of ‘women raping men’ in the Western Countries – but can such really happen in Nigeria?

We never gave that poser a thought to write about until a male-victim of rape (Damola) approached us (Stamp Out GBV @stampoutgbv) for counsel, after having suffered such an ordeal in the hands of his boss and her friend. This is his story:

Damola Kenny, a 22-year-old and 300-Level part-time student of a University in Ogun State, worked as a driver with a bank based in Abeokuta.

He was attached to an executive, who was a 50-year-old married woman that had four grownup children. He was a professional to the core and his relationship with his boss was beyond the workplace as he treated her as his mom and even called her “mom” though she politely asked him to stop “making her look old” but to refer to her as “Ma’am or Mrs Kuti – and not ‘mom’”!

And to show her appreciation for his service and charisma, she augmented his monthly pay package! Life was bubbling and promising for Damola until the day she asked him to drive her to a friend’s ‘evening party’!

Really, Mrs Kuti was the ‘religious type’ and never showed any hint of interest on him aside the business relationship that flourished between them.

Damola skipped classes and drove her down to the party in ‘Ijebu Ode’.

 She got down from the car and asked him to wait in the car since she wouldn’t stay long in the party! Shortly, she appeared, accompanied by her friend, and asked Dele to re-park the car in the sheltered garage!

He did while they walked to him and gave him a glass of wine, which he kindly gulped. They collected the glass from him and returned to the party!

In no time, he started feeling dizzy – his vision became blurry! He faintly wondered why he was suddenly feeling sleepy but before he faded away on the steering wheel, he could make out the faces of his boss and her friend, softly pulling him out of the driver’s seat and laying him on the back seat!

That was all he remembered until he regained consciousness four hours later; somehow, he was able to recall seeing his boss and her friend pulling down his trouser and ‘working him up’. He also recalled faintly seeing them, taking turn to straddle him but he was just weak to understand the scenario then.

As he pulled out the car to drive his boss home, he saw two used condoms just by the side of where he had parked the car. He didn't need anyone to tell that his boss and her friend had given him a drug-laced drink and used him!

Used? No! Raped him – Yes!

As he drove her, there was an uneasy silence in the car – she was possibly regretting her action while Dele was undecided on how to confront her!

Though it is not commonly reported, or even discussed, females commit a significant number of rapes. It has been estimated that around 1,000 rapes are committed each year in Nigeria by women. Many experts believe that this number is undervalued due to the fact that female rapes are very rarely reported.

Victims of female rape are usually older, weaker or handicapped. Frequently, female rapists use objects to sodomize, rape, and overpower their victims.

Children are the most frequent victims of female rape – this usually takes form in statutory rape or sexual intercourse between an adult woman and a consenting minor.  Studies have shown that women involved in these relations are frequently seeking a substitute lover because they are alone, have a low self-worth, or are in a bad or violent relationship. Female rape of children can also take the form of incest or child molestation – in both of these cases, victims are not likely to come forward because the perpetrator is female.

Why Women Rape

Studies have shown that female rapists are driven by the same forces as their male counterparts: power, hostility, violence, alcohol or drug abuse, mental illness, and opportunity. Many female rapists were themselves victims of rape, incest or molestation at some point in life.

Female rapes of men go largely unreported by male victims, and few men seek counselling or support. Men who do talk about their experience show similar effects as female victims of rape: loss of self-esteem, self-blame, fear of intimacy, and depression. Significantly, men are discouraged from reporting female rapists to the Police or bringing them to trial to a Judge for fear that they will not believe their story.

How Do Women Rape Men

From Damola’s case, we can learn that female-to-male rape happens in a situation where the male is rendered weak, unconscious or unable to resist the sexual victimization. The easiest way for this to happen is for the woman to get the guy dead drunk, intoxicated with some mind-altering substance or knocked-out by a tranquilizer or sleeping pill.

Another common way is for the woman to use emotional blackmail in coercing the man to have sex with her – emotional blackmail can take the form of suicidal threats, threats to divulge the guy’s secrets or threats to ruin his reputation, career or existing relationships.

A third way is to physically threaten the guy at gun or knife point. And last, especially for those trained in martial arts, women could simply use brute strength to subdue the guy and tie him up.