DEAR MEN, THIS IS HOW TO CONTROL YOUR SEXUAL URGE!

Whenever a RAPE case is reported, what often crops up in people’s mind is that ‘A ‘man’ is the ‘attacker’ while a ‘woman’ is the ‘victim’!’ ­

RAPE is a MAN’S CRIME – it seems so but it would be imprudent to lay the blame on men alone, as women are guilty as well! Though it is not commonly reported, or even discussed, females commit a significant number of rapes, as men.

It has been estimated that around 1,000 rapes are committed each year in Nigeria by women. Many experts believe that this number is undervalued due to the fact that female rapes are very rarely reported. Female rapes of men go largely unreported by male victims for fear that the Police or a Judge would not believe their story.

Having clarified that, let me say it is a shame for any man to rape a woman – for whatever reasons!  Some men demand for sex with reckless abandon and can go any length to have it anywhere even when they have wives at home!

Some have blamed the high level of the male sexual hormones for his quick (and at times, uncontrollable) desire for sex, but for whatever reasons, there should be a regulation on a man’s desire or demand for sex.

For instance, men are the main culprits of most sexual harassment in workplace – particularly, I have often heard of this case but always discredited it that doctors (married or not) have this penchant of easily getting aroused and then, with the intention of ‘sleeping’ with their female patients, especially when they are sedated, including pregnant women in the course of putting to bed!

Strange but a female client of mine once narrated her own experience to me:

“She had gone to this hospital wherein the doctor said it would be safer for her and the baby to go through a 'CS' in the childbirth. The day came, she was sedated so a pipe could be passed into her Vagina as an emergency 'urinal tract', but the drug didn't have an instant impact on her.

Shortly, she faintly looked up to see one of the doctors (they were three in the theatre) admiring her ‘organ’ and rubbing his palm all over her lap!

He turned to the other doctors and suggested they took turn on her since “she was out” and had a “sweet-looking thing”!

So, she became alarmed and watched as he unzipped his trousers and spread her laps apart to penetrate her, I don’t know how true based on the fact that she was semi-conscious and weak, but she said as he was about “pushing it into her”, she gathered all her strength used her feet to kick him in his ‘organ’!

He screamed while some nurses rushed into the room and inquired what the problem was, but they smiled and feigned everything was alright.

She called one of the midwives closer and asked her to call her husband immediately to the room. When he came, she opened up to him what the doctors had wanted to do to her – he was angry and took her away to another clinic!”

I did a kind of 'off the record' interview, and most of the interviewees (wives and mothers) opened up that 'some' doctors do unnecessarily 'touch' some 'private parts' of women in the name of examination and treatment, and above all, deliberately sedating them to have sex with them.

Doctors aren’t the culprits alone as this also happen in other fields – in schools, offices, religious places etc. Since this ‘want-of-sex’ at the sight of a woman is adduced to a man’s high sexual hormone, how then can he control it?

Truly, controlling the urge can be very difficult at times but the following tips can help a great deal:

1.      The first step to control your sexual urges is to accept that there is no shame in feeling this way. Most societal norms deem these urges as moral depravity and force us to bury these feelings, instead of accepting it as a part of life. We are born to believe that sex is sin and sexual urges are an abomination.

These urges are nothing but physical needs, which only seek fulfilment – instinctively, man cannot abort sexual thoughts. With this acceptance and a strong desire to curb it, you can keep your feelings in control.

2.      The next step is to know what sets them off. Admittedly, man is surrounded by sexual signs so obvious that they are almost a part of our daily lives. When one is sexually satiated, these signs tend to pass by unnoticed but in the face of sexual starvation, these signs end up titillating more than pacifying. Identifying these triggers will help keep the mind alert enough to steer clear of them.

3.      A man must have the will-power. When it is considered that, with enough will-power, one can move a mountain, controlling sexual urges on the same plane should ideally be anyone’s cup of tea. While it is impossible to wipe out sexual thoughts completely, curbing the intensity to a bare minimum will help you get through the day without distractions. A mental reminder, can serve as ample inspiration to help you power through the day without being tempted.

4.      You can transfer your sexual urges to creative ideas. This will not only take your mind off them, but will help you make something new. At the end of the day, an urge is nothing but a feeling that enforces a lack of the desired object. Thus it is easy to manipulate with an equally engaging creative thought. Read a book, write poetry, paint or make pots. The end product of your misplaced creativity will provide equal satisfaction.

5.      Focusing your energy on something that consumes most of it and also helps you feel good, is a certain winner. Wake up early and go for a jog, or make swimming thrice a week a habit. You can also hit the gym every morning before work. Whatever be the means, allow your body to get the much-required exercise to keep your mind more in control. SOG